Niemcy z perspektywy najeźdźcy

I'm recently in touch again with an old friend of mine. Even though we get along very well and like to discuss things in a similar way, his way of thinking can catch me by surprise sometimes. He exhibits… I think I'll call it the existence of things written with a Capital Letter. Principles. Absolutes. Rules. Ideals. Gods. Concepts so obvious that once you know them, questioning them is so pointless that it's unthinkable. They are embedded in the mind like pieces of the world, fundamentals, there's no awareness they are even there.

Or at least I guess so. To me, each of those Concepts is just one of many options, one possible view of the subject. To me, there's no Art which consists exactly of this and that, period. To me, peeing while standing is not an inherent right of those who can. I remember the moment of my childhood when Catholic God's stopped holding together by logic and so he died. But my own roles – that of a good Student in school, of a faithful Defender of my closest ones, etc. – those lived longer. The obviousness of going to school, then studying at a university, perhaps the obviousness of work, marriage and children. The obvious fear of the gays. Obvious inferiority of the Ruskies. Obvious Strangeness of the Eastern Orthodox.

And the Absolutes. Love, Marriage, Fatherland, Family, Intelligence, Creativity, Good, Identity. Certainties carrying certain meanings with them: Love – till Death. Family – Sacrifice, Fatherland – dearer than Life. Automatic, thoughtless.

Everyone of those Obvious Things determined the way I behaved, took away a piece of my freedom to make my own decisions, and sometimes steered my life, leading to an honest sorrow, when the I couldn't fulfill the obligations of the Role (crying after someone without even liking them). But they eventually died off. Now they are memories of childhood, alternatives among alternatives, objects of introspection. The rules I follow now aren't so absolute any more, they don't have unquestionable sources. They are put up by agreement between me and myself, propped up by my own convictions. Replaceable, if they turn out to be corrupt. Human rights? Important! but in the end, they are made by humans. Self-development? Important, but I decide how much. Love? As long as it builds rather than destroys. Identity? Yes, but not one imposed by others. Family? By choice. Marriage? Is it the ritual, the document, the oath, or something else that matters to me? Good? Sure, but only after reflecting on the norms coming from authorities.

And I'm not sure if my friend is always like that. Sometimes he short-circuits when I ask them what leads to some absolutely indispensable belief B. Then he responds in a powerful voice that B is important indeed!, as if that explained anything but his emotions. And when I press, then it typically turns out B is important because it's his personal preference, as opposed to a preference for something else.

This would all have been yawnworthy, except for one thing. Every minuscule unquestioned preference limits our options, takes us away from our full potential. I wasn't made to be a Defender, and attempting to role play that was a waste of time and caused needless suffering. Mindless thrashing. If I had stuck to the role, it would have been horrible to everyone involved. Even little matters like being attached to perfectionism are harmful and limiting.

Why then do some people stick to Rules? Perhaps it's the comfort of security – in my own experience tells me that questioning every part of life takes effort.

What about your own Beliefs written with Capital Letters? Do you have any?